Somebody please tell me what has happened to the good ‘ole church girl? Remember when it used to be the men who were heathens and the women were trying to convert us? Why is it that most women in today’s society are equally secular, promiscuous, and in need of rebirthing? I used to get excited when I would meet a woman who said they went to church. That is, until I'd find out that they curse like sailors, drink like fish and their sexual partner list is one short of a bakers dozen (this year!).
I'm not judging, just calling it like I've seen it.
They even have churches set up to make us feel this faux spiritual connection by attending a Sunday morning service just a few hours after the club is over. Its always been this way, but now its done with no shame. They used to walk in feeling like there were bells swinging between their legs signaling their sin :)
How can you have a church preaching a bible that they don't believe in? Why go to church at all?
Does anyone else notice that the line between the church and the world is nonexistent? Yes of course there have been times when it was very blurry, but now it doesn't exist at all. Everything in the club, is in the church.
What happened to the women that really had a relationship with God? I don't mean I bless my food, say my prayers kind of relationship…I mean that I want to live right and actually do what the Bible says kind of relationship. There was a time when if a woman said she was celibate it was for spiritual reasons. Now it only seems like a way to control men or take and not give. Where are those holy rollers in their late 20's mid 30's?
When I grew up there was always a few girls in church that you knew were putting out, but a lot of them were holding on, waiting for a good husband, and saving themselves. Is it our fault? The husbands never came and so the ideology changed? Too many single women with no one to come home to? Instead of waiting for the preacher, the deacon, the good church man, they settled for the thug, the "do right sometimes" man and the male whores?
Have we as men skipped over the women that were beautiful on the inside to settle for the polished brass that is empty and eroded beneath? Maybe it is our fault. Again, I'm not judging. To each his (or her) own. I just know quite a few good men looking for something more than the luke-warm church dwellers.
And what's up with these spiritualists? "I'm spiritual, but not religious". How does that work exactly? Are we making up our own religions now? Whatever fits our ideals is what it is? Where is the line? I used to think it meant that they just didn't like the traditionalism and fake aspects of church, but recently found out that this could mean they don't believe in God at all. Why go to a church whose sole doctrines are based on a book that you don't believe in?
Maybe you believe in some things and not others. How do you know which to choose? Could this be why the families are all but destroyed? Maybe this is why marriage is outdated or archaic. This society, our world, was built around the family structure. What will we do when it doesn't exist any more? Maybe that is why you rarely hear that someone is saving themselves for marriage?
I believe the church girl is the cornerstone, the necessary building block to rebuild families. Where y'all at? There are good men that need you!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Death, Burial and Ressurection of Love
Love is dead, it was said among men, but then, in a moment, it opened its eyes to see again...
Is Love Dead?
I once posed this question to a friend of mine and her answer was perplexing. Essentially, she said it came down to the individual and whether love was still important to them. When I look at society and what its become, it saddens me. Love used to be the ultimate treasure, the thing little girls pined for and the bounty of every knight's honor. Samson cut his hair for love, Van Gogh cut off his ear, Romeo defied his family, Penelope refused 108 suitors waiting 20 years for her love Odysseus to return from war. Love now seems to simply be the consequence of time spent and the culmination of a complicated business deal between two people. Certainly love is more than just the nuance of emotion smothered with lust and brain secretions...or is it?
I believe love has to be sought after, received, nurtured and bloomed in order to be complete. Who in this microwave age is willing to take that kind of time? Who is willing to strip down every layer until they are naked? I'm not sure. It could be said that love in its most traditional sense is but a faint echo in a loud world. Chivalry is a distant, all but offensive, notion that is so rare it stands out as a blood red rose in a field of dead wheat. A woman cooking, cleaning, sexing her man to death and taking care of a home is equally offensive in all but the most perfect circumstances. And a man in his role is equally rare. If a man doesn't work, he shouldn't eat. That's word.
I remember when older women used to teach younger women how to take care and keep a man. Those days are long gone. Now days, a relationship is so ambiguous when it comes to the roles, I fear for our future. Man and woman were meant to love, marry, and create. A man is supposed to work, protect, and provide for his family. A woman is supposed to take care of her house, take care of her children, and take care of her man. Did I just oversimplify this? Yes. In today's society it is almost always necessary for both parents to work which leaves little time for the wife/mother to solely fulfill a traditional role. In this sense, love shown through these actions is most certainly dead in most cases. And if the action of love is dead, wouldn't that mean love is dead also? Sure, love can be shown in a host of ways, but I contend there is nothing more personal and powerful then taking care of the one you love. I am speaking of romantic love, but maybe love doesn't need that constraint.
The Burial
Love is more than just actions, it is a spirit God gave and God created. So important is love, Jesus said to love God with all your soul and mind. Love your neighbor as you do yourself. Love seems to be killed slowly with every pop reality show quasi celebrity, every viral video of some repulsive act, every woman who chooses money over love and every man that chooses his penis over commitment. We don't know what true love is any more. It is weighed down with all of our hurts and pain. In order to let love fly we must forgive. Forgiveness is the key, but who does that anymore?
There is simply no hope, no way for love to matter in a world of lust and power. Relationships have even become a breeding ground for power play. Maybe we need to go back to defined roles since these ambiguous roles certainly don't seem to work. The family as a structure has all but been obliterated. You can say that traditional roles aren't important, but the correlation between the disappearance of marriage family and the disappearance of traditional roles is eerie. Save love, save marriage, save families...but I forget, this is the funeral of love isn't it?
The Resurrection
...but on the third day! There is a hope, a word, a reckoning. Love may have died, but it is resurrected in each of us that perpetuate it in our lives. I for one believe in love and believe it cannot, will not, shall not, ever die. I choose to believe. I believe that there is a place of such power and such peace when we go beyond ourselves and what our desires are. Love is selfless. How can two people who are being selfless not a find a way to make it work? Selfishness is the antagonist of love. Love gives freely it holds nothing back. Sure there is this self preservation that leads our defensiveness, but love makes us turn away from this destruction and leap forward into beautiful.
Are you ready to love? I mean really ready? Have you done the work, made the sacrifices, healed the wounds? Love can only exist in the right soil. Have you pulled all of the weeds, hatred, anger, frustration, selfishness, arrogance? Love cannot exist in the same space as that poison. We all claim to want love, to need love, but until we birth love through patience, tolerance, giving, and kindness first to those we claim to love and then to others, love will remain dead. Dead in us all, but alive in eternity.
So I vow, to change, to grow, to stretch beyond myself and love. To champion love with my sword honor, my shield of commitment, my breastplate of integrity. To embrace my woman with the entirety of my being and if single, stay ready vigilant and posed to love until she arrives.
And with that proclamation, I extend my hand and command love to rise...
Monday, May 3, 2010
Falling in Spring
A voice as sweet as rivers falling
A sound as sweet as lovebird’s calling
I heard you whispering
Leaves trickling into a cascade of colors
Your presence, my passion our souls flutter
The calendar says winter, but I feel like spring
Seasons change, and so must all things
And change is evident in the cup of your arms
I fear not my sulking betrayal nor my heart’s harm
To spend my days touching you, learning you
To spend my nights loving you, my passion burning you
The rain has come to wash away the pain
And in my heart, the sun shines again
Come closer, close enough to breathe me
Look deeper, deep enough to see me
Through many seasons and many roads
Many dreams crushed, many lies told
My heart still believed of that which was true
Discovery unfolds, as I am falling for you….
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Absolute Power of Sex
What do men want? Sex!
Plain and simple...any fully functioning, ripe aged man wants sex. This statement is beyond reproach, is absolute and needs only few qualifications. As a woman if you refuse to accept this fact, you will forever make horrible decisions regarding men. Men as old as 80 years old producing children is not uncommon. Men were created with an amazing need for sexual interaction. Its built into there physical and psychological make up. Even great men in the bible fell behind their need for sex. Great men, even in our contemporary world, fell, because of sex. You could just say they were dogs or no good, but to reach the level they have in society and history, they had to be extraordinarily disciplined. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it true.
Men will say anything to get sex, I mean ANYTHING. They'll tell you they love you, you're beautiful, no, you don't look fat in that dress, they're going to marry you, they've been celibate for a year waiting on you etc...Anything. I am sure its difficult as a woman to decipher a lie from the truth so here is a little help.
Believe what he tells you with his actions - if his actions say he's a dog, he's a dog! If he barks and chases fire trucks its time to go.
Make him tell you what he wants up front -Don't wait! By the second or third date his intentions should be ringing in your ears. Always find a way to ask him the same question at least three different ways. People rarely remember all the lies they told.
Don't give it up... at least for a little while - If you're going to do it, make him wait! Its much too precious a gift to give to the unworthy. And remember, every time you do, there is less of you to give the next time.
What about love? Love is great, but for most men its only a secondary concern. For women, its primary. So how can these two contrasting segments ever come together?
It happens less often than you think. For example:
A man meets a woman - she looks good and he thinks about how much he wants to sleep with her, but if he's smooth he doesn't mention sex, not yet. He knows he has to earn her trust. They go out on a few dates, she likes him, but thinks that if she sleeps with him, she will ruin a chance to make it last or that it will cheapen her. He makes his move, she says she wants to wait, he wants the sex, so he waits. Now in the meantime he is dating at least two other women that are not making him wait, so waiting is no problem. While she is making him wait, she is starting to really, really like him...he has one thing on his mind, when is his money and his time going to pay off. He will only wait a finite amount of time and she feels his pending frustration and eventually lets him in, he sleeps with her a few times and finds some reason to act a fool and leave or even smoother, causes her to break up with him.
Sound familiar? It happens all the time and the woman is left scratching her head wondering what just happened. She was looking for love, he was looking for sex. Basically, you just slept with the enemy!
Its not that women don't want or like sex, its just not their primary need. Its why women can survive years on masturbation - side note - if you masturbate ladies, you are NOT celibate :) Celibacy: abstaining from sexual relations - abstinence - act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite - thus, engaging in sexual interactions (appetite) even in the singular form is not abstinence. better yet, the good man that is waiting patiently is fighting a losing battle because your cheatin' with your battery operated boy toy! Its not right! I digress...
Why women make bad sexual decisions
Men are very simple in nature...food, sex and sports...when you find a good one you can throw in romance, culture, spirituality and the need to conquer or achieve.
A lot of woman have figured out that men want sex, but their decision making is poor. They'll give it to the wrong one for the right/wrong reason and keep it from the right one, for the wrong reason. This is mostly because inherit emotional decision making. Who you love is a choice, it always is. The moment you know the man is no good for you, RUN, don't walk away as fast as you can. It will prevent you from the emotional bond that makes the decision making even worse.
Most women make redundantly bad decisions or often called residual behavior, in other words, choosing the same fool in a different body.They think if they do something different like withhold sex, the outcome will be different, when in reality, they have to simply choose differently.
Some women have even figured out if you sexually please a man he will stick around for quite a while, it doesn't, however, mean he loves you. So while you are "dropping it like its hot" he has three other women doing the same thing, but you may be the only one cleaning, cooking and ironing his clothes.
While writing a new script I discovered this anomaly in the fabric of the dating world. Most men have at least three women: The one he's with, the one he wants and the one that wants him! I am pages deep on this thing, its amazing. Stay tuned!
These are of course sweeping generalizations, but are also the most common scenarios.
Just today I counseled someone who is having a difficult time breaking out of a bad relationship. Her salvation was in the simple reality of changing her phone number and email and allowing this person no access. Its the only way to stop the seesaw. Then she had to recognize her own worth.
When a good man comes along, you don't want to be tied up in a bad one. Never let your past ruin your future...
And when he does come along, pour yourself into him, never make him pay the cost for some idiot in your past. You're too beautiful, too smart and too valuable. And a good man is only going to waste so much time.
The Passion, Creativity and Love expressed through love making is beyond comparison. Is there any more readily available euphoric place?
When a woman has sex something happens:
A physiological connection...
Oxcytocin is a hormone released in women during certain physical interactions namely child birth, breastfeeding, it helps to solidify bond between mom and baby, but it does the same exact thing with a woman's sexual partner. Its released during breast stimulation and climax. Incredibly, it is also responsible for shutting down the brains compulsion toward fear and resistance to facilitate orgasm! Sounds like the wrong thing to do with the wrong person, doesn't it?
When a man enters your body, he has one purpose, to plant seed. It is what the act was meant for. Everything in his body prepares for it. Your body responds with lubrication and lets just say a welcome feeling. And when you're with someone who understands your body and how to please you, its an amazing experience. Beware! As a woman you are left with more than just the feeling.
Soul Ties...
Soul ties are the results of an intimate connection with someone else. The most intimate of these connections are sexual relationships. When a woman opens her body to someone, she is allowing them into her most sacred place, a place with total access to her heart and soul. That's why an abused woman stays and longs for a man that treats her like dirt. The small percentage of the time that he is nice to her doesn't even compare to the mental and physical brutality. If a man hits you, he doesn't love you - period. If a man cheats on you, he doesn't love you - period. If a man lies to you...get the picture?
Even when the person is gone out of your life, the longing for them remains. And the woman thinks what they are feeling is love, but its just the residue of this unhealthy tie. Now her soul and heart are fragmented, which leaves her damaged. Not only damaged, unable to even see a good man when he comes along. 1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh - be careful who you lay with.
This is why sex was intended for marriage. Now, we know in this day and time, that premarital sex is a reality (right or wrong), so please...be careful who you lay with.
How to break a soul tie?
The first thing to do is NEVER EVER have connection with the person from the unhealthy relationship. Throw out all gifts and memories. Shut them down completely.
Recognize true love when it arrives. Love has its own healing balm, allow it to do work and mend the broken pieces.
Make better decisions.
Men Need Love...
The upper echelon of men have over come this insatiable need for sex and they seek real true love. If you are blessed enough to find one, give him everything you've got, because that's what its going to take to keep him. Make no mistake, this man wants sex too, its just not all that he wants. Love and relationship becomes more important to him because of maturity and character. Always judge this man by his merits and not the mistakes of your past. Because for this man, the ordinary just won't do. As a man, I suppose its just as difficult to find a quality man as it is to find a quality woman. Be encouraged, we (quality men) are looking for you (quality women). Please don't settle, because we will never find each other!
Now that you know the truth, choose wisely...
Next week - Man talk!
Plain and simple...any fully functioning, ripe aged man wants sex. This statement is beyond reproach, is absolute and needs only few qualifications. As a woman if you refuse to accept this fact, you will forever make horrible decisions regarding men. Men as old as 80 years old producing children is not uncommon. Men were created with an amazing need for sexual interaction. Its built into there physical and psychological make up. Even great men in the bible fell behind their need for sex. Great men, even in our contemporary world, fell, because of sex. You could just say they were dogs or no good, but to reach the level they have in society and history, they had to be extraordinarily disciplined. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it true.
Men will say anything to get sex, I mean ANYTHING. They'll tell you they love you, you're beautiful, no, you don't look fat in that dress, they're going to marry you, they've been celibate for a year waiting on you etc...Anything. I am sure its difficult as a woman to decipher a lie from the truth so here is a little help.
Believe what he tells you with his actions - if his actions say he's a dog, he's a dog! If he barks and chases fire trucks its time to go.
Make him tell you what he wants up front -Don't wait! By the second or third date his intentions should be ringing in your ears. Always find a way to ask him the same question at least three different ways. People rarely remember all the lies they told.
Don't give it up... at least for a little while - If you're going to do it, make him wait! Its much too precious a gift to give to the unworthy. And remember, every time you do, there is less of you to give the next time.
What about love? Love is great, but for most men its only a secondary concern. For women, its primary. So how can these two contrasting segments ever come together?
It happens less often than you think. For example:
A man meets a woman - she looks good and he thinks about how much he wants to sleep with her, but if he's smooth he doesn't mention sex, not yet. He knows he has to earn her trust. They go out on a few dates, she likes him, but thinks that if she sleeps with him, she will ruin a chance to make it last or that it will cheapen her. He makes his move, she says she wants to wait, he wants the sex, so he waits. Now in the meantime he is dating at least two other women that are not making him wait, so waiting is no problem. While she is making him wait, she is starting to really, really like him...he has one thing on his mind, when is his money and his time going to pay off. He will only wait a finite amount of time and she feels his pending frustration and eventually lets him in, he sleeps with her a few times and finds some reason to act a fool and leave or even smoother, causes her to break up with him.
Sound familiar? It happens all the time and the woman is left scratching her head wondering what just happened. She was looking for love, he was looking for sex. Basically, you just slept with the enemy!
Its not that women don't want or like sex, its just not their primary need. Its why women can survive years on masturbation - side note - if you masturbate ladies, you are NOT celibate :) Celibacy: abstaining from sexual relations - abstinence - act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite - thus, engaging in sexual interactions (appetite) even in the singular form is not abstinence. better yet, the good man that is waiting patiently is fighting a losing battle because your cheatin' with your battery operated boy toy! Its not right! I digress...
Why women make bad sexual decisions
Men are very simple in nature...food, sex and sports...when you find a good one you can throw in romance, culture, spirituality and the need to conquer or achieve.
A lot of woman have figured out that men want sex, but their decision making is poor. They'll give it to the wrong one for the right/wrong reason and keep it from the right one, for the wrong reason. This is mostly because inherit emotional decision making. Who you love is a choice, it always is. The moment you know the man is no good for you, RUN, don't walk away as fast as you can. It will prevent you from the emotional bond that makes the decision making even worse.
Most women make redundantly bad decisions or often called residual behavior, in other words, choosing the same fool in a different body.They think if they do something different like withhold sex, the outcome will be different, when in reality, they have to simply choose differently.
Some women have even figured out if you sexually please a man he will stick around for quite a while, it doesn't, however, mean he loves you. So while you are "dropping it like its hot" he has three other women doing the same thing, but you may be the only one cleaning, cooking and ironing his clothes.
While writing a new script I discovered this anomaly in the fabric of the dating world. Most men have at least three women: The one he's with, the one he wants and the one that wants him! I am pages deep on this thing, its amazing. Stay tuned!
These are of course sweeping generalizations, but are also the most common scenarios.
Just today I counseled someone who is having a difficult time breaking out of a bad relationship. Her salvation was in the simple reality of changing her phone number and email and allowing this person no access. Its the only way to stop the seesaw. Then she had to recognize her own worth.
When a good man comes along, you don't want to be tied up in a bad one. Never let your past ruin your future...
And when he does come along, pour yourself into him, never make him pay the cost for some idiot in your past. You're too beautiful, too smart and too valuable. And a good man is only going to waste so much time.
The Passion, Creativity and Love expressed through love making is beyond comparison. Is there any more readily available euphoric place?
When a woman has sex something happens:
A physiological connection...
Oxcytocin is a hormone released in women during certain physical interactions namely child birth, breastfeeding, it helps to solidify bond between mom and baby, but it does the same exact thing with a woman's sexual partner. Its released during breast stimulation and climax. Incredibly, it is also responsible for shutting down the brains compulsion toward fear and resistance to facilitate orgasm! Sounds like the wrong thing to do with the wrong person, doesn't it?
When a man enters your body, he has one purpose, to plant seed. It is what the act was meant for. Everything in his body prepares for it. Your body responds with lubrication and lets just say a welcome feeling. And when you're with someone who understands your body and how to please you, its an amazing experience. Beware! As a woman you are left with more than just the feeling.
Soul Ties...
Soul ties are the results of an intimate connection with someone else. The most intimate of these connections are sexual relationships. When a woman opens her body to someone, she is allowing them into her most sacred place, a place with total access to her heart and soul. That's why an abused woman stays and longs for a man that treats her like dirt. The small percentage of the time that he is nice to her doesn't even compare to the mental and physical brutality. If a man hits you, he doesn't love you - period. If a man cheats on you, he doesn't love you - period. If a man lies to you...get the picture?
Even when the person is gone out of your life, the longing for them remains. And the woman thinks what they are feeling is love, but its just the residue of this unhealthy tie. Now her soul and heart are fragmented, which leaves her damaged. Not only damaged, unable to even see a good man when he comes along. 1 Corinthians 6:16, "What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh - be careful who you lay with.
This is why sex was intended for marriage. Now, we know in this day and time, that premarital sex is a reality (right or wrong), so please...be careful who you lay with.
How to break a soul tie?
The first thing to do is NEVER EVER have connection with the person from the unhealthy relationship. Throw out all gifts and memories. Shut them down completely.
Recognize true love when it arrives. Love has its own healing balm, allow it to do work and mend the broken pieces.
Make better decisions.
Men Need Love...
The upper echelon of men have over come this insatiable need for sex and they seek real true love. If you are blessed enough to find one, give him everything you've got, because that's what its going to take to keep him. Make no mistake, this man wants sex too, its just not all that he wants. Love and relationship becomes more important to him because of maturity and character. Always judge this man by his merits and not the mistakes of your past. Because for this man, the ordinary just won't do. As a man, I suppose its just as difficult to find a quality man as it is to find a quality woman. Be encouraged, we (quality men) are looking for you (quality women). Please don't settle, because we will never find each other!
Now that you know the truth, choose wisely...
Next week - Man talk!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The One...I choose to love
Just One?
Is there just one special someone out there for me? Is there such a thing as a soul mate? You truly have to be a romantic to believe in the idea of a soul mate, which I am. The very thought is beyond reason or logic...the idea that there is someone out there that was created just for you. Even more interesting, the notion that you will somehow find them in the almost 7 billion people on this planet.
I do understand why the thought is so appealing. The hope of finding someone that is perfectly designed just for you. Like designing your dream home from scratch with no consideration of practicality or monetary limitations. Just think if every marriage was made up of "soul mates" divorce would be almost non-existent...or would it?
What do I believe? I believe there are definitely those people who just seem to match you in every major consideration. I do have a hard time believing that there is only one. I believe it is rare to find someone so perfectly matched and that's why we define it in a spiritual way when it happens, but they are out there.
If I choose to wait on this mystical magical connection, I may as well set myself for failure. Truth is, my mind and heart are very separate. I need someone who calls out to both equally. Emotions can be very deceptive. Haven't you noticed how many times a man loves a woman that doesn't love or treat him well? How many times have you had to tell your girlfriend, leave that fool! Are you stupid? The problem is their heart and mind are operating in two different spaces.That's why I have to make a conscious, deliberate decision on who I give my heart to. I cannot let my heart decide. The heart is the seat of the emotions and emotions are eternally deceitful. Someone went as far as to say "there is no good thing in the heart of man"
Chemistry
That's why when a good woman appears, she has my full attention. Don't let that good man pass. Everyone is talking about chemistry...chemistry is deceptive. It could be the time of day, cologne he's wearing, his body, the song you just got done listening to that is feeding this chemistry. God gave us a brain for a reason people, let's use it.
Do I choose or does God?
I know I'm going to get into trouble for this one, but I believe we must choose. I believe that God can present the person to us, I believe we can pray for him to reveal them, but ultimately, like everything else in God's plan...its our choice. Why would God not force us into salvation, but force us into a mate? Doesn't make sense to me.
I have to believe that love is more than an emotion and some uncontrollable cosmic random happening. When the bible tells us to love our neighbor, it seems to leave no room for error. It also says for husbands to love their wives...well, what if you get married and no longer feel that "thing" that you felt during the courtship? Here again there seems to be no room for error. Husbands LOVE your wife in the same breath as children obey your parents. Very black and white. So love then must be something in my control to impart or refrain from.
Who I choose to Love
Having been in a marriage, I can tell you that the "feeling" of love definitely comes and goes, but the commitment of love must remain eternal. The moment I choose not to move and act within the constraints of love, I have chosen...not to love.
The same applies to who I choose. It must be more than a physical or chemical response that drives my decision. While women are less physically driven than men, they still are drawn to what their eyes see. Of course, attraction is part of the equation, but how much of the equation should it be? If your decision is based on a glass that is equal four parts full, attraction should never be 3/4 of the glass. Make sure you have given great weight to those ever important qualities like integrity, character, honesty, maturity and loyalty. Because when the feeling of love is gone, no matter how fine they are, you will be left scratching your head wondering how you could be so foolish. Believe me the more bad decisions you make, the less of you remains to love the worthy one waiting down the line.
So when I see a woman, I have to see her from the inside out. While my eyes and other things may react to the gloss, short dress and stilettos, I must refrain and find out what's on the inside. In this wicked cauldron of all things Hollywood, that is difficult, but necessary. Is she beautiful on the inside...Blackstreet..."can she make me a happy home"...well, can she? Is she a mother, a lover, is she industrious or destructive? I like affection, is she affectionate or will I have to ask for it? Has she chosen to love so many times to a fool that there is very little left in her to love?
Don't get me wrong, God can restore all things, but how many of us are willing to go through the year long make over, alone and refrained from all things love?
David in the bible said "create in me a clean heart". He realized that some of his terrible decisions were made from his heart's desire. You know what you need more than your heart does. Don't let your heart and well... other things control who you choose to love.
Why sex makes you think you're in love
When a woman gives her body it is the most precious and powerful gift she has to give, but something happens to her that doesn't happen to the man. She completely opens herself to the man, body, mind and soul. Soul ties, oxytocin...I'll discuss all of these things next week, but I can tell you there are a lot people running around saying they are in love, but what they really are is...drum roll please...SPRUNG! Well, at least that's what called it in the 80s. It is however, not love. So essentially we should only choose to lay down with the same people we would choose to love. Can the choir say Amen? That's why premarital sex is well...I feel my help coming on! OK, I'm done :)
That's why its so beautiful when I say with my heart and mind...I choose you.
And now that you know the truth...choose wisely.
Is there just one special someone out there for me? Is there such a thing as a soul mate? You truly have to be a romantic to believe in the idea of a soul mate, which I am. The very thought is beyond reason or logic...the idea that there is someone out there that was created just for you. Even more interesting, the notion that you will somehow find them in the almost 7 billion people on this planet.
I do understand why the thought is so appealing. The hope of finding someone that is perfectly designed just for you. Like designing your dream home from scratch with no consideration of practicality or monetary limitations. Just think if every marriage was made up of "soul mates" divorce would be almost non-existent...or would it?
What do I believe? I believe there are definitely those people who just seem to match you in every major consideration. I do have a hard time believing that there is only one. I believe it is rare to find someone so perfectly matched and that's why we define it in a spiritual way when it happens, but they are out there.
If I choose to wait on this mystical magical connection, I may as well set myself for failure. Truth is, my mind and heart are very separate. I need someone who calls out to both equally. Emotions can be very deceptive. Haven't you noticed how many times a man loves a woman that doesn't love or treat him well? How many times have you had to tell your girlfriend, leave that fool! Are you stupid? The problem is their heart and mind are operating in two different spaces.That's why I have to make a conscious, deliberate decision on who I give my heart to. I cannot let my heart decide. The heart is the seat of the emotions and emotions are eternally deceitful. Someone went as far as to say "there is no good thing in the heart of man"
Chemistry
That's why when a good woman appears, she has my full attention. Don't let that good man pass. Everyone is talking about chemistry...chemistry is deceptive. It could be the time of day, cologne he's wearing, his body, the song you just got done listening to that is feeding this chemistry. God gave us a brain for a reason people, let's use it.
Do I choose or does God?
I know I'm going to get into trouble for this one, but I believe we must choose. I believe that God can present the person to us, I believe we can pray for him to reveal them, but ultimately, like everything else in God's plan...its our choice. Why would God not force us into salvation, but force us into a mate? Doesn't make sense to me.
I have to believe that love is more than an emotion and some uncontrollable cosmic random happening. When the bible tells us to love our neighbor, it seems to leave no room for error. It also says for husbands to love their wives...well, what if you get married and no longer feel that "thing" that you felt during the courtship? Here again there seems to be no room for error. Husbands LOVE your wife in the same breath as children obey your parents. Very black and white. So love then must be something in my control to impart or refrain from.
Who I choose to Love
Having been in a marriage, I can tell you that the "feeling" of love definitely comes and goes, but the commitment of love must remain eternal. The moment I choose not to move and act within the constraints of love, I have chosen...not to love.
The same applies to who I choose. It must be more than a physical or chemical response that drives my decision. While women are less physically driven than men, they still are drawn to what their eyes see. Of course, attraction is part of the equation, but how much of the equation should it be? If your decision is based on a glass that is equal four parts full, attraction should never be 3/4 of the glass. Make sure you have given great weight to those ever important qualities like integrity, character, honesty, maturity and loyalty. Because when the feeling of love is gone, no matter how fine they are, you will be left scratching your head wondering how you could be so foolish. Believe me the more bad decisions you make, the less of you remains to love the worthy one waiting down the line.
So when I see a woman, I have to see her from the inside out. While my eyes and other things may react to the gloss, short dress and stilettos, I must refrain and find out what's on the inside. In this wicked cauldron of all things Hollywood, that is difficult, but necessary. Is she beautiful on the inside...Blackstreet..."can she make me a happy home"...well, can she? Is she a mother, a lover, is she industrious or destructive? I like affection, is she affectionate or will I have to ask for it? Has she chosen to love so many times to a fool that there is very little left in her to love?
Don't get me wrong, God can restore all things, but how many of us are willing to go through the year long make over, alone and refrained from all things love?
David in the bible said "create in me a clean heart". He realized that some of his terrible decisions were made from his heart's desire. You know what you need more than your heart does. Don't let your heart and well... other things control who you choose to love.
Why sex makes you think you're in love
When a woman gives her body it is the most precious and powerful gift she has to give, but something happens to her that doesn't happen to the man. She completely opens herself to the man, body, mind and soul. Soul ties, oxytocin...I'll discuss all of these things next week, but I can tell you there are a lot people running around saying they are in love, but what they really are is...drum roll please...SPRUNG! Well, at least that's what called it in the 80s. It is however, not love. So essentially we should only choose to lay down with the same people we would choose to love. Can the choir say Amen? That's why premarital sex is well...I feel my help coming on! OK, I'm done :)
That's why its so beautiful when I say with my heart and mind...I choose you.
And now that you know the truth...choose wisely.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
I believe in love
So then, what shall I believe? What shall we render? After all of our wanting and all of our sorrow, shall there even be a drifting memory? Will someone publish our weary diary? Then again, love, has no ending, there was no genesis and it will perceptually regenerate. Trembling soldiers attack, but are fallen at the whisk of love's hand. Yet we stand, waiting, longing, hoping for love. A simple molecule of belief shall delineate the mystery of its power, the source of life the meaning of every second, every minute, every hour. We will know love and it will set us free.
Yes, I am believer. I believe love is rich and flowing with energy beyond knowing. The first glance in a newborn's eye, the pedantic mutterings of wedding day vows, the consummation on a virgin's conquestual night, the glimmer or Alaska's first light...I believe, I believe in love.
Yes, I am believer. I believe love is rich and flowing with energy beyond knowing. The first glance in a newborn's eye, the pedantic mutterings of wedding day vows, the consummation on a virgin's conquestual night, the glimmer or Alaska's first light...I believe, I believe in love.
The Audacious Hope of Love
The Feeling of Love
Yes, I am a believer. When two people meet in a sea of billions and find that awe inspiring moment that says, I want you, it's beautiful. Is it a heart connection or is it synaptic connections in our brain telling us what to feel? Is it God zapping us with cupid's arrow or the desperate surrendering after many years of searching?
The feeling of love is absolutely perfect. It is unmeasurable, indefinable and is uncontainable. When you say I love you this much (imagine my arms stretched wide), be assured that this is not love, but a feeling. Some would say its infatuation. If love is the overwhelming glory, then infatuation is the first moment of realization before the clouds part. It is just that piercing in your gut when you hear that person's voice, feel their skin, sense their presence. George Duke has a song called, is love enough? Is it enough to keep him from cheating, keep her from acting up and so on...yes true love is, but what he is really saying is...will the feeling of love do this. Butterflies...this is the feeling we call love, but it is not love. Love is long-suffering, the feeling of love fades fast after he starts acting a fool! Love makes them a priority, the feeling of love is selfish only meeting its own needs. Love is perfect and without condition. If her gaining some weight shifts your "love" it is not love. If him losing his job shifts your "love", it is not love.
How to Find Love
No matter how many love songs you listen to, you can never force yourself to fall in love. You can certainly nurture the feeling of love, but love, listen closely...love is a state being, not a feeling. It seems easier to find heartbreak, than it is to find love. Did you know that there is a 3-1 advantage for songs about breaking up opposed to songs about falling in love (excluding the sex songs of course, which is another dialog all together)? Think about the most famous ones...Luther Vandross' Superstar (originally by the Carpenters), All by Myself, I Fall to Pieces – Patsy Cline, Pretty Brown Eyes Mint Condition, Where do broken hearts go - Whitney Houston, Total Eclipse of the Heart Bonnie Tyler, Since U Been Gone Kelly Clarkson, Gloria Gayner - I will survive, On my own - Patti Labelle and Michael Mcdonald etc. The list is endless and sure there are also love songs out there, but isn't it interesting how many songs that seem to scream the sentiment, "I thought I was in love, but I was wrong". I venture to say its because we only look at the feeling of love and are really rarely ready for such an enormous on taking! In this instant microcosm of Los Angeles, its hard enough to get beyond the pretentious, fallacious, sabotaging bling bling, she so fine, he so fine, look at his whip(do they still use that word?), check that donkey... brain-washing we've all endured. So how do you find love? 1. Be ready. 2. Have a heart that is full of love, a heart that is healed from the war dredged scars. 3. Have a mind mature and ready for the doubt, hope, strain, change, and awkwardness that a relationship brings. 4. Be prepared to be completely naked, because this is what love requires. 5. Be dimensions beyond the need for games or manipulation. Love does not, will not, CAN NOT lie or manipulate. Can somebody shout on that one? I had to learn this the hard way. 6. Recognize love when you see it and whatever you do, don't let it pass you by! 7. Un-forgiveness, hatred and despair can never co-exist with love, so rid yourself of this things. A quality man or woman will see it and run for the hills. Those days of men playing superman are long gone. Of course, his love will effectually clean some sullied places, but that is not it's purpose. How can someone whole join with someone half? 8. Be patient! It is all too obvious which of us have settled, because we grew weary of waiting. Its always worth the wait. 9. Don't limit yourself! Dare I say, they just may not reside in your home city, maybe its time for a scene change. Change is good, it forces us to grow. 10. Know who you are! If you are still figuring this out, you're not ready for a relationship. If you don't know you, how will you know who is right for you? Life is short, but love is eternal. Attraction? Sure attraction has it's place, just remember, if you are not all that attracted to someone and you know this drives your emotion, run and leave that good woman or good man for someone else! That's it, let it flow, love needs no help, it has wings of it's own.
I wish you all the beauty of love !
Next Week - Why Sex isn't as important as Love, but is a close second!
Yes, I am a believer. When two people meet in a sea of billions and find that awe inspiring moment that says, I want you, it's beautiful. Is it a heart connection or is it synaptic connections in our brain telling us what to feel? Is it God zapping us with cupid's arrow or the desperate surrendering after many years of searching?
The feeling of love is absolutely perfect. It is unmeasurable, indefinable and is uncontainable. When you say I love you this much (imagine my arms stretched wide), be assured that this is not love, but a feeling. Some would say its infatuation. If love is the overwhelming glory, then infatuation is the first moment of realization before the clouds part. It is just that piercing in your gut when you hear that person's voice, feel their skin, sense their presence. George Duke has a song called, is love enough? Is it enough to keep him from cheating, keep her from acting up and so on...yes true love is, but what he is really saying is...will the feeling of love do this. Butterflies...this is the feeling we call love, but it is not love. Love is long-suffering, the feeling of love fades fast after he starts acting a fool! Love makes them a priority, the feeling of love is selfish only meeting its own needs. Love is perfect and without condition. If her gaining some weight shifts your "love" it is not love. If him losing his job shifts your "love", it is not love.
How to Find Love
No matter how many love songs you listen to, you can never force yourself to fall in love. You can certainly nurture the feeling of love, but love, listen closely...love is a state being, not a feeling. It seems easier to find heartbreak, than it is to find love. Did you know that there is a 3-1 advantage for songs about breaking up opposed to songs about falling in love (excluding the sex songs of course, which is another dialog all together)? Think about the most famous ones...Luther Vandross' Superstar (originally by the Carpenters), All by Myself, I Fall to Pieces – Patsy Cline, Pretty Brown Eyes Mint Condition, Where do broken hearts go - Whitney Houston, Total Eclipse of the Heart Bonnie Tyler, Since U Been Gone Kelly Clarkson, Gloria Gayner - I will survive, On my own - Patti Labelle and Michael Mcdonald etc. The list is endless and sure there are also love songs out there, but isn't it interesting how many songs that seem to scream the sentiment, "I thought I was in love, but I was wrong". I venture to say its because we only look at the feeling of love and are really rarely ready for such an enormous on taking! In this instant microcosm of Los Angeles, its hard enough to get beyond the pretentious, fallacious, sabotaging bling bling, she so fine, he so fine, look at his whip(do they still use that word?), check that donkey... brain-washing we've all endured. So how do you find love? 1. Be ready. 2. Have a heart that is full of love, a heart that is healed from the war dredged scars. 3. Have a mind mature and ready for the doubt, hope, strain, change, and awkwardness that a relationship brings. 4. Be prepared to be completely naked, because this is what love requires. 5. Be dimensions beyond the need for games or manipulation. Love does not, will not, CAN NOT lie or manipulate. Can somebody shout on that one? I had to learn this the hard way. 6. Recognize love when you see it and whatever you do, don't let it pass you by! 7. Un-forgiveness, hatred and despair can never co-exist with love, so rid yourself of this things. A quality man or woman will see it and run for the hills. Those days of men playing superman are long gone. Of course, his love will effectually clean some sullied places, but that is not it's purpose. How can someone whole join with someone half? 8. Be patient! It is all too obvious which of us have settled, because we grew weary of waiting. Its always worth the wait. 9. Don't limit yourself! Dare I say, they just may not reside in your home city, maybe its time for a scene change. Change is good, it forces us to grow. 10. Know who you are! If you are still figuring this out, you're not ready for a relationship. If you don't know you, how will you know who is right for you? Life is short, but love is eternal. Attraction? Sure attraction has it's place, just remember, if you are not all that attracted to someone and you know this drives your emotion, run and leave that good woman or good man for someone else! That's it, let it flow, love needs no help, it has wings of it's own.
I wish you all the beauty of love !
Next Week - Why Sex isn't as important as Love, but is a close second!
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