The One...I choose to love

Just One?

Is there just one special someone out there for me? Is there such a thing as a soul mate? You truly have to be a romantic to believe in the idea of a soul mate, which I am. The very thought is beyond reason or logic...the idea that there is someone out there that was created just for you. Even more interesting, the notion that you will somehow find them in the almost 7 billion people on this planet.

I do understand why the thought is so appealing. The hope of finding someone that is perfectly designed just for you. Like designing your dream home from scratch with no consideration of practicality or monetary limitations. Just think if every marriage was made up of "soul mates" divorce would be almost non-existent...or would it?

What do I believe? I believe there are definitely those people who just seem to match you in every major consideration. I do have a hard time believing that there is only one. I believe it is rare to find someone so perfectly matched and that's why we define it in a spiritual way when it happens, but they are out there.

If I choose to wait on this mystical magical connection, I may as well set myself for failure. Truth is, my mind and heart are very separate. I need someone who calls out to both equally. Emotions can be very deceptive. Haven't you noticed how many times a man loves a woman that doesn't love or treat him well? How many times have you had to tell your girlfriend, leave that fool! Are you stupid? The problem is their heart and mind are operating in two different spaces.That's why I have to make a conscious, deliberate decision on who I give my heart to. I cannot let my heart decide. The heart is the seat of the emotions and emotions are eternally deceitful. Someone went as far as to say "there is no good thing in the heart of man"

Chemistry

That's why when a good woman appears, she has my full attention. Don't let that good man pass. Everyone is talking about chemistry...chemistry is deceptive. It could be the time of day, cologne he's wearing, his body, the song you just got done listening to that is feeding this chemistry. God gave us a brain for a reason people, let's use it.

Do I choose or does God?

I know I'm going to get into trouble for this one, but I believe we must choose. I believe that God can present the person to us, I believe we can pray for him to reveal them, but ultimately, like everything else in God's plan...its our choice. Why would God not force us into salvation, but force us into a mate? Doesn't make sense to me.

I have to believe that love is more than an emotion and some uncontrollable cosmic random happening. When the bible tells us to love our neighbor, it seems to leave no room for error. It also says for husbands to love their wives...well, what if you get married and no longer feel that "thing" that you felt during the courtship? Here again there seems to be no room for error. Husbands LOVE your wife in the same breath as children obey your parents. Very black and white. So love then must be something in my control to impart or refrain from.

Who I choose to Love

Having been in a marriage, I can tell you that the "feeling" of love definitely comes and goes, but the commitment of love must remain eternal. The moment I choose not to move and act within the constraints of love, I have chosen...not to love.

The same applies to who I choose. It must be more than a physical or chemical response that drives my decision. While women are less physically driven than men, they still are drawn to what their eyes see. Of course, attraction is part of the equation, but how much of the equation should it be? If your decision is based on a glass that is equal four parts full, attraction should never be 3/4 of the glass. Make sure you have given great weight to those ever important qualities like integrity, character, honesty, maturity and loyalty. Because when the feeling of love is gone, no matter how fine they are, you will be left scratching your head wondering how you could be so foolish. Believe me the more bad decisions you make, the less of you remains to love the worthy one waiting down the line.

So when I see a woman, I have to see her from the inside out. While my eyes and other things may react to the gloss, short dress and stilettos, I must refrain and find out what's on the inside. In this wicked cauldron of all things Hollywood, that is difficult, but necessary. Is she beautiful on the inside...Blackstreet..."can she make me a happy home"...well, can she? Is she a mother, a lover, is she industrious or destructive? I like affection, is she affectionate or will I have to ask for it? Has she chosen to love so many times to a fool that there is very little left in her to love?

Don't get me wrong, God can restore all things, but how many of us are willing to go through the year long make over, alone and refrained from all things love?

David in the bible said "create in me a clean heart". He realized that some of his terrible decisions were made from his heart's desire. You know what you need more than your heart does. Don't let your heart and well... other things control who you choose to love.

Why sex makes you think you're in love
When a woman gives her body it is the most precious and powerful gift she has to give, but something happens to her that doesn't happen to the man. She completely opens herself to the man, body, mind and soul. Soul ties, oxytocin...I'll discuss all of these things next week, but I can tell you there are a lot people running around saying they are in love, but what they really are is...drum roll please...SPRUNG! Well, at least that's what called it in the 80s. It is however, not love. So essentially we should only choose to lay down with the same people we would choose to love. Can the choir say Amen? That's why premarital sex is well...I feel my help coming on! OK, I'm done :)

That's why its so beautiful when I say with my heart and mind...I choose you.

And now that you know the truth...choose wisely.