The Absolute Final Straw on love

Love has a great sense of humor, almost malicious, almost belligerent or are we just playing ourselves? About ten years go I wrote a poem called once loved here is an excerpt...

I once believed in love
Thought forever was real

Saw only blood red roses
Walked only in blissful fields

I believed as some do
True love will conquer all

It conquered my heart only
And left my heart to fall...

Corny I know, but it still rings true. As a man I've been through the arrogance, lust and endless conquests that most men do and I got to a point where I felt I was ready for love.This happened much sooner for me, than most. I've always been the romantic type, drenched with poetry, love songs, creative rendezvous...so when I fell in love, I fell deeply. I really believed when I gave my heart it would be forever, just like the song says. When that love failed I was devastated. Was it love that failed or we that failed it? I'm still not sure, but what I do know is that with that destruction came hope. Hope of finding love again, but this time better, richer, fuller, stronger. Every TV show, romantic comedy, love song, Valentines day leads you to believe that there is a universe of women out there waiting for a man like me. You know, attractive, sensitive, a leader, romantic, spiritual etc. The truth is it all seems like fiction (the universe of single, beautiful, ready people), the stuff that fuels fairy tales.

Have we all been ruined by our past? Are we set up to never really trust again, to never really have the capacity to love again, to see all of our suitors through tainted war degraded glasses? If you are a woman who wants love, why settle for sex? If you are a celibate woman, why even entertain a man who is not? If you are spiritual, why date an atheist or a non-believer? If you are a quality woman, why date a man you have to drag along by his ear? It is perplexing to me. Loneliness? Sure, loneliness has its place, but patience must have its perfect place. Why settle. Every time I see a good one with a bad one, it turns my stomach. Love is so rare, why would you waste your love on something that will not, cannot, shall not be true. It's like casting your pearls before swine.

I have met women who are enormously successful, but emotionally barren. I've also met women who are so vulnerable you see their needing silhouetted in their every movement and pursed in their every word. It's amazing how many of us want love, but aren't ready for love. We want an extraordinary mate, but have nothing extraordinary to offer. Wouldn't it be better to say I want a regular guy, cuz I'm a regular girl? Or I want a woman who will suffer my BS and has low self worth so I don't take another good woman out of the running? Can't we just be honest? Can't we just take a moment to know ourselves? If you want to be great, why not take the time to be alone and develop that greatness?

Someone please say...I'm done. Finished. Out! This is the final straw on love for me. I'll be alone until I'm ready, I'll say no thank you to free dinners and drinks, I won't take advantage of her, because I know she wants love and I only want sex. Someone say, I want a good man, but honestly I don't even know what that looks like or how to treat him.

Why can't we be naked for each other, honest to each other, ready to dive head first, unafraid to hurt. If our words and actions are laden with fear, how can we ever really know or be known? If we hold back, try to keep a part of us safe, how can we ever be truly understood. Why does love have to fight through all of the layers and walls of disease we've contracted from those unworthy?

So these are my last words of hope, my last outcry to the masses...let love reign or all men shall fall.

^{1 Corinthians 13:13} Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.